The bulldog I am walking is named Roxy.
She does not like other dogs, unless they are other bulldogs. This is why, when you begin to approach me with your miniature wussydog, I tell you before you are within her OMNOM range that she isn't really cool with other dogs.
That being said: The following are NOT ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOURS:
1. Do not let your dog off the leash. Even discounting the fact that Roxy can (and likely will) attempt to make a meal of any dog smaller (and most dogs larger) than she is, the city has leash laws for a fucking reason. This is for the safety of both people and dogs. The last thing I need is Roxy biting poor Fluffykins face off and you attempting to sue me for vet bill caused by your own incompetence. (PROTIP: You will lose.)
2. Do not bring your dog within range to "see how they do". I already know how they will fucking "do", because I already told you my dog DOES NOT LIKE OTHER DOGS. Or does the fact that her hackles are raised, her ears are back and shes growling not clue you in on the fact that she does not want your stupid simpering waste of canine flesh anywhere near her?
3. Do not lecture me on how I need to "just train her to be better" if you violate rule one or two. My dog was rescued from a puppy mill where she was bred twice before she was two, left outside in a cage in all manner of temperature and weather, was rarely fed, lost almost all of her hair, and became insanely frightened of cars. In terms of "shit someone's been through", I'm going to give her a pass on the not wanting anything to do with other dogs thing. She has fucking earned it.
4. Do not slow your car down and point and laugh as she attempts to disclocate/detach my arm in order to chase it. "Oh, she likes cars, huh?" "Aww, isn't that so cute!" and "Does she like to chase cars?" will earn you a string of cusses that would make a sailor blush. Why? Because anyone with at least one working eyeball in their head and .08oz of common fucking sense can see I'm barely able to control her and you sitting there with your fucking engine running is only making her freak out even more. It's not funny. It's painful (physically!) for me and stressful for both Roxy and I. Knock that shit off.
5. If your dog is clearly diseased or sick, GTFO. No, seriously. I saw a woman walking a pit bull yesterday that looked like it wanted to die and had patches of black tar-looking crap all over it, which is usually a sign of mange. Roxy wasn't with me at the time, but this woman walked by two other dogs on the way down the sidewalk and was just letting her clearly sick dog saunter up to them and sniff around. Your dog clearly has something wrong with it. My dog does not have anything wrong with her, and I don't WANT anything wrong with her. Fuck off with your mangy assed POS mutt.
6. Do not fucking sit there and insist my dog is a fucking pit bull. If you think my dog is a pit bull you have either a) never seen a fucking pit bull or b) are blind and functionally retarded. Besides, I know what breed my own fucking dog is, and she's an English Bulldog, not a fucking pit bull. The two breeds dont even remotely look alike, especially given, I don't know, pit bulls have NOSES and aren't WRINKLY? She doesn't "look like a pit", she's not a "nice pit". She is an English Bulldog. Like this:
Not a pit bull, like this:
7. Do not praise me for picking up my dog's shitpile. There's a $50 fine for not doing doodie duty in Seattle, plus, it's fucking gross as hell to leave dogshit everywhere. I'm not 6. I don't need a round of applause or a GOOD JOB as I'm walking down the road with a handful of warm Roxy Nuggets™ and more than I need either for wiping my own ass. Go fuck yourself.
Just leave me alone to walk my dog in peace, assholes.
Sincerely,
Me
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