In a recent informal poll conducted on Facebook, the number one food toxic to dogs is: chocolate.
Another fun fact: Dogs love to eat chocolate almost as much as they dig antifreeze.
So why, pray tell, as a dog owner, would you put THIS in your garden?:
To be quite honest, I'm surprised you possess brain function on a high enough level to feel emotion over the loss of your dog, who went outside directly after you dumped this all over the ground, proceeded to eat mouthfuls of it, and subsequently dropped dead. Typically sub amoeboid brains don't have the capacity to process emotional thought. Bravo.
It is a 100% true and honest fact that chocolate is poisonous to dogs. The bag states on it that it's COCOA SHELL MULCH. What is chocolate made out of? If you guessed COCOA, you win the jumbo stuffed bear. And let's say you've been trapped under a boulder for most of your life and don't know that cocoa is the main ingredient in chocolate. We'll take out a step in the equation and point your slackjawed visage to the bottom of the bag where it clearly states that the mulch is made by a chocolate company.
And the icing on this turd-smeared cake?
You are trying to demand warning labels be put on the mulch.
Warning labels. On MULCH. It's DIRT for fuck's sake!! YOU WANT A WARNING LABEL TO BE PUT ON DIRT BECAUSE YOU'RE MORE STUPID THAN IT IS.
You are the type of idiot that spills hot coffee on yourself and sues McDonald's because the cup didn't have a warning on it. You're the type of mental deficient that drinks window cleaner, can't figure out why you get sick, and try and sue the cleaner company because no-one warned you that was a bad idea.
If you had a child (here's hoping you haven't bred yet, but since mating is instinct based and not intellect based, I'm not getting my hopes up), it would make sense to know what sorts of things are poisonous and what things aren't, wouldn't you say? Or would you be totally ok with them playing with a cup of bleach because there's no warning on it to let you know it's hazardous?
I mean, seriously. Do you have to have hired handlers that tell you what stupid things not to do on a daily basis?
"Don't step in that dogshit!"
"Don't drink that antifreeze!"
"Don't jump off that building!"
"Don't pour that Draino in your eyes!"
"Don't put that cigarette out on your ballsack!"
I do not want to see Facebook posts from you crying about how there was no warning on a bag of mulch MADE OUT OF MOTHERFUCKING CHOCOLATE to alert you to the (FUCKING OBVIOUS) fact that it MIGHT be HAZARDOUS to DOGS. You were negligent, and a terrible dog owner... you let your dog gobble it up, and now the thing is dead. It's not the COCOA CHOCOLATE CLEARLY LABELED MULCH COMPANY'S job to ensure you don't let your animal eat something that is widely known to be deadly for it. It is YOURS and YOURS ALONE.
People like you should not only never be allowed to own animals, your filthy DNA should be permanently cleansed from the gene pool along with anyone who shares it lest it taint societys level of intellect and send it into even further decline.
Sincerely,
Me
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